Life isn’t always easy..

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Annie, Blogs, Books, choice, Dreams, family, Florida, fun, laughter, life, love, loved ones, Moving, relationship, writing

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything on this page or my Sexwannie blog. But life isn’t always easy.

There are important things that get in the way of writing a blog. Life gets in the way. And so does death.

My husband and I have been though so much in a very short period of time.

On May 5th 2015 we lost my father in law to heart disease. Then a week later on May 12th my Mom lost her battle with Cancer.

That’s when I lost my way. My Mom was my heart, and my biggest fan.

I still cannot believe she’s gone.

I go to call her and then reality kicks in. She’s not here.

I look for signs that she told me she would send. I see them, I know she’s watching over me.

I just want her here.

It was Mom who pushed me to write and publish my first novel.

Know  I don’t know how I’m supposed to finish my second without her here.

When I started my blogs it was my Mama who would say “You’re on your way little girl.”

Its had not having her here pushing me to write. She had been telling me my entire life I needed to keep writing. .

So now it’s been about six weeks since she’s gone and I’m so lost without her.

We have moved out of Jersey. Packed up everything we thought we might use. And staying with someone who I thought was family.

If we could move again we would be out of here tonight.

“Don’t tell my Mom on her death bed that you will take care of me, and then once I give up everything I’ve ever known turn your back on me”.

I don’t eat, I don’t sleep, and someone keeps asking me; “Why are you crying?”

They say moving and losing a loved one are the most stressful things in life.

Well we’ve gone through both in a very short period of time. To say I’m stressed to the max would be an understatement.

I haven’t been able to write a word till today.

I know if she was still here she would be telling me to get on with it. “Live your life Little girl, do it for me”.

It’s not that easy to resume your life when someone so special and close in your life dies.

The only reason I’m writing this now is because my hubby shamed me into it. “What would your mom think Annie?” Well I’m pretty sure she would understand that I’m hurting. She would also tell me that life doesn’t stand still while you’re grieving.

My Mom was a very smart woman.

She is missed every minute of every day.

I know this post may not be much to most of you. But it’s a huge step forward for me.

I want to thank you all for sticking by me while I get my life in order. I really do miss interacting with all of you.

That’s it for now. Make sure you let your parents and loved one’s know how much you love them.

We are only put on this earth for a very short time. It’s so important to let those we love know how we feel. I’m so glad there were no words left unspoken.

Life really sucks sometimes. And sometimes we have no choice but to move forward. Even if it’s one day or minute at a time..

Hugs to all of you!!!

 

 

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Update: My Spine is Doing Fine.

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a new day, Annie, family, life, love, spinal fusion, surgery

Just trying to re-blog to this page to catch some of you up on what’s been going on in my life..

SEX w/ Annie

Update: After twelve days, one spinal surgery, and two horrific setbacks, I’m really doing well. The immense pressure that once plagued my back is mostly gone.

That in itself makes the choice of having this minimally invasive spinal surgery a complete success.
With the pain levels dropping already I have no doubts that my life can and will only get better.

I’m so thankful I didn’t listen to the Nay-Sayers who told me that the T-lift surgery, bone graft with fusion couldn’t be done on my back, Or that I would only get worse.

All I know is how I feel today. Twelve days post-op. And that’s pretty damn good.  If I didn’t have this surgery I would have wondered my entire life. Also the stenosis which ew bone spurs as they call them would have closed my spinal canal completely and I would have lost the use of both…

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Use It or Lose It

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adult, Annie, back surgery, Blogs, Daily post, happiness, health, husband, kink, laughter, life, lose, love, marriage, relationship, remembering, Sex, wife, words, writing prompts

DAILY PROMPT

Write about anything you’d like, but make sure the post includes this sentence:

“I thought we’d never come back from that one.” 

Whenever I hear the phrase use it or lose it I think of sex.

I can’t help it, that’s just how my brain works. Think about it this way; the more we have sex the more we think about sex and the more we think about sex the more want sex.

If we slack off or lose that loving feeling. We must think, use it or lose it.

So I started to think; how long was the longest dry spell between sexual encounters? As far as I can remember it had to be when I had my first back surgery. That was in nineteen eighty-nine.

I was in such a bad way. That surgery almost killed me. I remember screaming as a spasm grabbed hold of me.  I wasn’t able to walk on my own for six months. Now you would think I wasn’t thinking about sex. But I was thinking about sex. I mean we had only been married for three years.

I was thinking this is the longest we’ve ever gone without it.

Will my husband wait for me?

Will he leave me?

Does he love me enough to wait?

Will I ever want sex again?

Will my body keep failing me or will I walk again?

Why did this happen to me?

And am I ever going to get back to some kind of normal?

Yes I was feeling all sorts of sorry for myself at that time. And I was a mess if you really want to know the truth. I also had to take steroids.  I had what they call moon face. It’s not a very attractive look, especially for a twenty-nine year old woman. Moon face at any age can put you over the edge, but in your twenties it’s that much worse.

Being on steroids I also gained about thirty pounds.  And being only four-foot ten inches tall I wasn’t feeling my sexy side if you know what I mean. Hell I couldn’t even find my sexy side.

So here I was not able to walk on my own, in excruciating pain, with a body and face as big as the moon. I remember feeling like a huge beach ball with a face.

It was hard to look in the mirror each day, and when I did I cried. So I was thinking: how could my husband look at me and still want sex?

And even though sex at that time was physically impossible. I couldn’t put my mind around him still wanting me in that way.  But he did. And somehow he would make me forget what I looked like. This amazing man would tell me I was beautiful and that he loved me each and every day. He also reassured me that he wasn’t going anywhere.

It was this man who got me through one of the hardest times in my life.

All I had to do was hear his voice and I would feel a calm come over me.  Yes, It was his voice that would get me through some of my toughest days.

Fast forward through a year of the hardest physical and then aquatic therapy and I was finally able to get half of my strength back. I got rid of the walker and steroids. My face went back to normal. Sure I still had about twenty pounds to lose but I was starting to feel like myself.

Through all this I realized that we did have that unconditional love thing going for us. So I promised to never doubt his love again.

I know that I am one of the luckiest women in the world. I may have to live with chronic back pain for the rest of my life but I had made it back from a failed open lumbar back Laminectomy. Yes I was left with chronic pain for the rest of my life.

And I found out was that I have a husband who will always be there for me no matter what.  And I realized if he could stand by my side through a year of hell without physical sex 😉 than I knew without a doubt that we could make it back from anything.

Yes there were times when  “I thought we’d  never come back from that one.”  But we did.

Oh and the sex? Well our sex life just keeps getting better. It turns out that we never lost that connection. And that’s why I always say: “Where there’s a will there’s definitely a way.” With sex it doesn’t have to be physical. sex is a state of mind. And you either use it or lose it!

 

Life, Pain and Changes..

Tags

double fusion, husband, life, love, Sex, spine, spouse, surgery, t-lift

hingWith surgery done I had no idea a birthday milkshake could bring me down.

SEX w/ Annie

Up-Date!

So when there are two kinds of pains, and one is going to hurt you and the other is going to change you which hurt do you choose?

Well I didn’t have a choice. When I went for this spine surgery all I know is that I woke up in miserable pain. I felt like I’d been kicked in the back fifty times with hard boots, and then kicked some more for good measure in the stomach too.

Then the fun started. The nausea kicks in and you just keep thinking what on earth have I done to deserve this? When it finally stops you feel a huge weight lift off of you.

But then two days later your BFF hands you a birthday milkshake. Yes It was for my actual birthday, March fifteenth to be exact. And It was an actual vanilla milkshake with sprinkles. So I drank…

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Happy New Year!!

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adopt, always, blog, Books, Dreams, family, follow, friends, fun, heart, hugs, kink, laughter, learn, life, listen, love, Orgasms, pets, Read, relationships, Romance, Sex, sexlife, smile, today, tomorrow

This year:

Do what you love.

Smile more.

Live life to the fullest.

Take chances, if you fail get up and do it again only better.

Move!

Eat what you like in moderation.

Listen to your heart.

Give hugs to everyone you meet.

Find a signature cocktail.

Before you hang up the phone with family & friends say I love you.

Have more sex, orgasms are wonderful!

Learn something.

Read more.

Listen to what the kids are saying.

Just listen more.

Sing, It doesn’t matter if you can’t carry a tune. It feel good so do it.

In fact do everything that feels good.

Adopt or rescue a pet.

Live the life you have always wanted to live.

Follow your dreams.

Don’t put off till tomorrow what you could have done today.

Make someone else’s dreams come true.

Add more romance to your relationship.

Be yourself.

Have more fun!

Add some kink to your sex life.

Learn to Say No!

Laugh more, love more, just do more of what makes you happy.

Happy New Year everyone!!! May all your dreams come true!

Hugs, Annie xo..

 

 

 

 

 

I Love my Mom…

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angels, Cancer, Chemo, Doctors, Dreams, family, Florida, friends, fucked up, hope, life, love, Mom, prayers, quality, radiation, sick, treatments

What can I say I love My Mom. But I hate Cancer.

Mom’s the one woman in this world besides my sisters that will always have my back no matter what. She was nineteen when she gave birth to me. I’m the oldest daughter. I have two younger sisters and one brother whose the oldest of four.

Mom taught us all to treat others the way we want to be treated. That we need to never judge anyone by the color of their skin, or by how much money they have. I think we all turned out Ok. If nothing else we are a close-knit family. 

Mom Say’s, We’ve Got Plans

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angels, Beach, beautiful, brave, Cancer, Dreams, family, Feathers, Florida, happy, higher power, hope, Jersey girl, life, love, Mom, Moving, plans, Shore, smart, strong, tears, tuff

 

Update: The way we’ve been keeping my Mom going through all her treatments is we keep saying We’ve Got Plans. She knows we are moving to Florida in 2015. Knowing that we haven’t given up on our plans makes all the difference in the world not only to Mom but to us as well.

I want to thank all of you for the prayers and the candles that you lit for my Mom. She is doing great. Mom had a pet scan last week and the tumor on her spine is GONE! And the lung Cancer is shrinking. Whoop!! Whoop!!!

Why is It So Hard to Get Readers to Write Reviews?

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Authors, Beta's, Books, Errors, Guest author, independent, indie, Indies, Interview, life, love, mistakes, Promotion, Rating system, Reviews, star reviews, time, words, work, writer, writing

Do you write reviews?..

Before I published my first and only book I must have read every article and every excerpt that came out about indie writing and publishing.

But the one thing they don’t tell you is how to get the readers to write a simple honest review.

I have to say that beside doing promotional stuff, getting readers to post a review has been the hardest part of writing.

But then I didn’t write many reviews before I became a published author either.

I had no idea writers count on reviews to sell their books.

But now that I do know I make sure I write a review as soon as I’m finished with the book.

It’s easy, just hit the star you think represents how much you liked the book, which for me is always at least a three.

It Could Happen To You

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adult, couple, documentary, film, gay rights, gender, Hate, hearts, laws, life, love, marriage, mind, religion, rights, sad, Sex, shame, story, tragic, Tribeca, vote

 

When I stumbled upon this story I couldn’t help but feel this young man’s pain. How can anyone treat someone with such utter disrespect. And all because he’s gay.

Shane loved Tom. And Tom loved Shane. It’s that simple. They made a life together in California,  Bought a home, shared a business. Adopted a dog. Traveled the world. They lived an honest, decent life. And did I say they loved each other? There is no denying the love these two men shared when you watch the video posted here and on the internet.

The laws in this country need to be fixed ASAP. We can’t let this keep happening. One time is too many.

No one chooses to be gay. You are either born heterosexual or homosexual. Its just that simple.

Telling your son you wished he told you sooner so he could have been fixed is just ignorance at it’s finest. He shouldn’t have to feel ashamed. But the parents who took everything from their son and the man he loved should be ashamed of themselves.

Tom died in a tragic accident. He didn’t have a will. Shane couldn’t even get the records from the hospital because they weren’t married in the eyes of the law.

And Tom’s parents who dis-owned him after he told them he was gay. Well they made Shane pay to have Tom’s body flown back to the town they lived in. And they threatened Shane’s life so that he couldn’t attend his life’s partners funeral.

I’m sure Tom’s parents took half the house, half the business from Shane. And I only hope this never happens to another couple again. But I’m sure it happens everyday in America. We need to change the laws.

This story was made into a documentary. It won awards at the Tribeca Film festival in 2013. I intend to go to Netflix and order it as soon as I’m done with this post.

Shane I’m so sorry for your loss.

I hope that those of you who’ve watched this story will share it with as many people as you can. Open your heart and put yourself in Shane’s position for just one minute.

The next time you walk into a voting booth and can vote on same sex marriage I hope you vote with your heart. Stop letting religion and what was written thousands of years ago decide what you know is right.

Thank you for reading this post.

Puggle Lynyrd Skynyrd Public Service Announcement

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family, Four Legged Babies, friends, Guest author, laughter, love, pictures, relationship, smile

Safety First, Our four legged babies need us to make sure they’re safe.

Help Us Help Our 4-Legged Frynds

 

Even though I can do the doggie paddle, I could get tired so I wear my life vest because I’d rather be safe than sorry!!!  To all of my 4-Legged Frynds when boating with your human parents please make sure you wear a life vest. Paws Up Brothers & Sisters, L-Dog out……………..

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