Life isn’t always easy..

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Annie, Blogs, Books, choice, Dreams, family, Florida, fun, laughter, life, love, loved ones, Moving, relationship, writing

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything on this page or my Sexwannie blog. But life isn’t always easy.

There are important things that get in the way of writing a blog. Life gets in the way. And so does death.

My husband and I have been though so much in a very short period of time.

On May 5th 2015 we lost my father in law to heart disease. Then a week later on May 12th my Mom lost her battle with Cancer.

That’s when I lost my way. My Mom was my heart, and my biggest fan.

I still cannot believe she’s gone.

I go to call her and then reality kicks in. She’s not here.

I look for signs that she told me she would send. I see them, I know she’s watching over me.

I just want her here.

It was Mom who pushed me to write and publish my first novel.

Know  I don’t know how I’m supposed to finish my second without her here.

When I started my blogs it was my Mama who would say “You’re on your way little girl.”

Its had not having her here pushing me to write. She had been telling me my entire life I needed to keep writing. .

So now it’s been about six weeks since she’s gone and I’m so lost without her.

We have moved out of Jersey. Packed up everything we thought we might use. And staying with someone who I thought was family.

If we could move again we would be out of here tonight.

“Don’t tell my Mom on her death bed that you will take care of me, and then once I give up everything I’ve ever known turn your back on me”.

I don’t eat, I don’t sleep, and someone keeps asking me; “Why are you crying?”

They say moving and losing a loved one are the most stressful things in life.

Well we’ve gone through both in a very short period of time. To say I’m stressed to the max would be an understatement.

I haven’t been able to write a word till today.

I know if she was still here she would be telling me to get on with it. “Live your life Little girl, do it for me”.

It’s not that easy to resume your life when someone so special and close in your life dies.

The only reason I’m writing this now is because my hubby shamed me into it. “What would your mom think Annie?” Well I’m pretty sure she would understand that I’m hurting. She would also tell me that life doesn’t stand still while you’re grieving.

My Mom was a very smart woman.

She is missed every minute of every day.

I know this post may not be much to most of you. But it’s a huge step forward for me.

I want to thank you all for sticking by me while I get my life in order. I really do miss interacting with all of you.

That’s it for now. Make sure you let your parents and loved one’s know how much you love them.

We are only put on this earth for a very short time. It’s so important to let those we love know how we feel. I’m so glad there were no words left unspoken.

Life really sucks sometimes. And sometimes we have no choice but to move forward. Even if it’s one day or minute at a time..

Hugs to all of you!!!

 

 

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There’s a New Kind of Spinal Fusion Surgery

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Arachnoiditis, Chronic pain, Faith, family, Florida, friends, life, living, medications, Minimally invasive, Pain, stenosis, surgery

I’m sure by now you all know that I’ve had spinal fusion surgery. I was on the fence about this newer surgery called minimally invasive. But now that I’ve had it all I can say is it was the best decision of my life.

My family and friends were the ones who assured me I had nothing to lose. And I just had the best feeling once I met the surgeon face to face at the Orthopedic Laser Spine center in Jersey.

It’s hard to believe that the pressure I’ve lived with for 26 yrs is all but gone. And half of the meds I have had to take to take just to get the edge off are gone too.

I can’t believe I’ve gone from seven Fentanyl pops a day to zero. Now I know my pain is never going to be totally gone. Besides the stenosis that was crushing my nerves I also live with something called Arachnoiditis, it’s a clumping of the nerves.

This was one thing that worried other surgeons I spoke too. In fact they told me not to have this surgery. They couldn’t understand how any surgeon could do a fusion and not touch my Arachnoiditis.

Minimally invasive is the way to go with something like this. The surgeon and his team of experts took all the precautions they could so that they didn’t disturb the Arachnoiditis. This is something that surgeons who do open back surgery need to understand before they try and discourage patients.

If my surgeon asked me too I would be a spokes person for minimally invasive surgery. And that’s because he has given me part of my life back.

With Minimally invasive surgery there is no cutting through muscles or nerves. There’s no five to seven days in the hospital. No physical therapy. And all the work is done through the two small incisions.

The day after surgery my surgeon told us that it wasn’t an easy surgery. And that I was a strong and brave woman to have lived with that kind of pain for so long. Then he said something that blew my mind.

If I hadn’t had this surgery I would have lost the use of my legs within two years. The stenosis in my spine caused by the bone spurs was closing. It would have completely closed without the surgery and that’s when I would have lost my legs.

I made the right choice. And having it done in Florida surely made a huge difference too. I was able to walk outside every day. I believe the warmth was just what I needed. My husband watched me like a hawk. He was afraid I would do too much. On the fifth day after surgery I started walking up and down the street.

Everyone who see’s me tells me I’m walking taller. I’m not hunched over or limping anymore. And that’s because that pain that caused so much pressure is gone. When the stenosis closes in on your spine canal you bend forward to ease it. I didn’t realize I did that.

I was promised fifty percent less pain and I’ve got that. Sure I still have to take pain meds. But I’m weaning off of them slowly.

Minimally invasive surgery is the way of the future. Why would anyone put themselves through open back surgery?

The one on one care you get at a surgical center is the way to go. Yes there is always the chance that something could go wrong. But that can happen in the hospital too.

In fact I got an infection when I had my first surgery (three level lumbar Laminectomy) in a hospital in 1989. That infection almost killed me. In fact I wanted to die. When you are having those kinds of spasms for five weeks straight you just want it to stop.

It took another five days in the hospital to stop those horrific spasms. And another five months to walk on my own. Along with two years of Physical therapy.

These are the kinds of things you don’t forget when told you need to have another spinal surgery.

Then when you are told that a surgeon can actually do a two level spinal fusion in about three and a half hours you don’t believe it. Or that you will be leaving the surgical center that same day. But you can’t help think about the possibilities.

Was I scared? You bet I was. But I had so much faith in my surgeon that I just had to give it a try. We met him here in New Jersey two months before the surgery.

Of course I did get sick from anesthesia. Then again I always get sick after any surgery. And it was my poor husband who had to watch me all night.

I don’t remember much of the next day. And that’s because I slept the entire ride home and into the night.

When I got up the next morning I could feel that the pressure was gone.

Life is good. I got to hug my Mom when I got back to Jersey.  I was so worried I would lose her while I was having surgery and recovering. We just had a nice Easter with my entire family. So all’s good on that front for now.

I’m six weeks in and I can’t wait to see how I’m going to be in five months. My hope is that I am off most of the medications I take. But then again I don’t really have a choice in this matter.

In Florida it doesn’t matter if you have a prescription from a legitimate doctor. The pharmacies are in charge of your pain. They decide who gets what pain meds. It’s horrible to think about the people in Florida who live with chronic pain. They are treated like drug addicts.

It’s one of the reasons I took the chance with this surgery.

But since I will never be out of pain completely I will have to do what other Floridians do. Yea you guessed it, Marijuana and wine, lol. When in Rome Right?

Just another reason why Marijuana needs to be made legal in every state. But that’s for another blog.

If you’re living with chronic back pain pick up the phone and call a surgeons who does minimally invasive surgery. You won’t be sorry you did. Thanks for listening.

http://www.orthopedicandlaserspinesurgery.com/

Update: My Spine is Doing Fine.

Tags

a new day, Annie, family, life, love, spinal fusion, surgery

Just trying to re-blog to this page to catch some of you up on what’s been going on in my life..

SEX w/ Annie

Update: After twelve days, one spinal surgery, and two horrific setbacks, I’m really doing well. The immense pressure that once plagued my back is mostly gone.

That in itself makes the choice of having this minimally invasive spinal surgery a complete success.
With the pain levels dropping already I have no doubts that my life can and will only get better.

I’m so thankful I didn’t listen to the Nay-Sayers who told me that the T-lift surgery, bone graft with fusion couldn’t be done on my back, Or that I would only get worse.

All I know is how I feel today. Twelve days post-op. And that’s pretty damn good.  If I didn’t have this surgery I would have wondered my entire life. Also the stenosis which ew bone spurs as they call them would have closed my spinal canal completely and I would have lost the use of both…

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Happy New Year!!

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adopt, always, blog, Books, Dreams, family, follow, friends, fun, heart, hugs, kink, laughter, learn, life, listen, love, Orgasms, pets, Read, relationships, Romance, Sex, sexlife, smile, today, tomorrow

This year:

Do what you love.

Smile more.

Live life to the fullest.

Take chances, if you fail get up and do it again only better.

Move!

Eat what you like in moderation.

Listen to your heart.

Give hugs to everyone you meet.

Find a signature cocktail.

Before you hang up the phone with family & friends say I love you.

Have more sex, orgasms are wonderful!

Learn something.

Read more.

Listen to what the kids are saying.

Just listen more.

Sing, It doesn’t matter if you can’t carry a tune. It feel good so do it.

In fact do everything that feels good.

Adopt or rescue a pet.

Live the life you have always wanted to live.

Follow your dreams.

Don’t put off till tomorrow what you could have done today.

Make someone else’s dreams come true.

Add more romance to your relationship.

Be yourself.

Have more fun!

Add some kink to your sex life.

Learn to Say No!

Laugh more, love more, just do more of what makes you happy.

Happy New Year everyone!!! May all your dreams come true!

Hugs, Annie xo..

 

 

 

 

 

I Love my Mom…

Tags

angels, Cancer, Chemo, Doctors, Dreams, family, Florida, friends, fucked up, hope, life, love, Mom, prayers, quality, radiation, sick, treatments

What can I say I love My Mom. But I hate Cancer.

Mom’s the one woman in this world besides my sisters that will always have my back no matter what. She was nineteen when she gave birth to me. I’m the oldest daughter. I have two younger sisters and one brother whose the oldest of four.

Mom taught us all to treat others the way we want to be treated. That we need to never judge anyone by the color of their skin, or by how much money they have. I think we all turned out Ok. If nothing else we are a close-knit family. 

Mom Say’s, We’ve Got Plans

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angels, Beach, beautiful, brave, Cancer, Dreams, family, Feathers, Florida, happy, higher power, hope, Jersey girl, life, love, Mom, Moving, plans, Shore, smart, strong, tears, tuff

 

Update: The way we’ve been keeping my Mom going through all her treatments is we keep saying We’ve Got Plans. She knows we are moving to Florida in 2015. Knowing that we haven’t given up on our plans makes all the difference in the world not only to Mom but to us as well.

I want to thank all of you for the prayers and the candles that you lit for my Mom. She is doing great. Mom had a pet scan last week and the tumor on her spine is GONE! And the lung Cancer is shrinking. Whoop!! Whoop!!!

Warm my heart or Dread?

Tags

Annie, bagels, Beach, change, cold, Daily post, Dreams, fall, family, Florida, Jersey, Leaves, life, moving on, seasons, Sex, Siesta Key, smile, sun, Sunshine state, warmth, winter, writing prompts

DAILY PROMPT

Autumn Leaves

Changing colors, dropping temperatures, pumpkin spice lattes: do these mainstays of Fall fill your heart with warmth — or with dread?

As the seasons change from summer to fall I start to feel sad. Yes you could even call it dread.

It’s how I feel every year while watching my flower garden wither and then die.

Sure the leaves on the trees may be beautiful vibrant colors that bring an instant wow to your mind!

But those colors and that moment don’t last for very long.

As Soon as the temperature drops just a little further those once vibrant leaves will wither. They’ll turn brown and fall to the ground and the tree’s will all be bare.

That’s when we’ll hear sounds of rakes scraping the ground along with blowers all through out the town.

Winter will be here before we know it. That cold icy wind, snow, and rain.

I can feel my body aching for the warmth of spring and summer already.

No this time of year all I can think about is getting through these dreary seasons.

There’s less sunlight through out the day as the season’s change in Jersey. But this will be my last year to dream about the crocus that come up through the ground in spring. No I won’t be yearning for the sight of cherry blossom’s and dogwoods in full bloom.

So you can have your pumpkin spice, your ciders and your pie. The holidays may be the only bright light this time of year.

As I watch my last fall and winter season I am only thinking of the move. The drive down route ninety five past the Carolina’s and Georgia too.

Yes we are moving too the sunshine state where it’s summer all year long.

No cold temps that send chills clear through to the bone. No season’s to change just full days of sunshine and warmth.

On this fall day as I watch the leaves wither and die I’m only thinking of what it’ll be like in Florida the same time next year.

I know I won’t have to worry about the bitter cold cause it’s never coming as I’ll sit and watch the palm trees blow in the warm south west wind each day.

And even in November I’ll be able to drink my morning coffee outside in shorts and tee’s with my sexy bare manicured feet.  I’ll be so content just listening to the sounds of those mockingbirds sing.

I close my eyes and I can feel the warm sun on my tan face.

Winters will be sweet as we can still stroll down to the beach hand in hand.

We’ll watch as Siesta Key gives her spectacular nightly show. And I won’t be dreaming of the place I was born and raised. Cause this Jersey girl will be content in the place she’s dreamed of being since her honeymoon.

Yea soon I’ll be on my way. No more winter coats, no more wool hats and gloves. And won’t it be great to have my body naturally tan all year round.

No I don’t need to see those gold or orange leaves fall to the ground each year. And I sure won’t miss those pesky itchy balls that cover the cold ground too.

I smile as I think of sending pictures home to family and friends this time next year. They’ll be of us walking on that powdered sand hand in hand on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years eve too.

The only thing this Jersey girl will miss from her garden state is the bagels from The Bagel Bin.

But you can bet your sweet bippy before I leave I’ll find a way to get those scrumptious bagels delivered to the sunshine state.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/autumn-leaves/

Puggle Lynyrd Skynyrd Public Service Announcement

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family, Four Legged Babies, friends, Guest author, laughter, love, pictures, relationship, smile

Safety First, Our four legged babies need us to make sure they’re safe.

Help Us Help Our 4-Legged Frynds

 

Even though I can do the doggie paddle, I could get tired so I wear my life vest because I’d rather be safe than sorry!!!  To all of my 4-Legged Frynds when boating with your human parents please make sure you wear a life vest. Paws Up Brothers & Sisters, L-Dog out……………..

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That Sucks

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author, blog, family, friends, Guest author, laughter, life, love, Oxygen, post, relationship, smile, words

When you’re feeling down about what has been thrown your way look what others are going through. Life sucks sometimes. But sometimes it’s a good thing, Ask LaRae Parry..

MARSocial Author Business Enhancement Humor Post

My lungs suck. No. Wait a minute. They don’t suck. That’s the problem–they don’t suck at all. They just sit there—in my chest cavity—taking up space. It’s cruddy. No kidding.

Complaining about it doesn’t make my rotten lungs any better, so I don’t do it . . . all the time. Not everyday, anyway.

Because of my nonfunctioning lungs, I have to wear supplemental oxygen all the time. That sucks. Really. I have a machine that sucks pure oxygen out of the air and pumps it into my lungs. It’s great to suck.

There are some days, however, that I wonder if it’s worth the hassle to even get out of bed. I’m serious. Getting out of bed means I have to breathe more. Then, when that happens, I have to get clean. Then I see pictures of my children, grandchildren, and get on my computer and see my friends…

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The Ultimate Dinner Party

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Annie, Celebrities, Cocktails, Daily post, eats, family, friends, life, love, lunch, Mike, relationship, writing prompts

DAILY PROMPT

Seat Guru

You get to plan a dinner party for 4-8 of your favorite writers/artists/musicians/other notable figures, whether dead or alive. Who do you seat next to whom in order to inspire the most fun evening?

It’s funny that this Daily Prompt came up. I have what I call the lunch table. I’ve always pictured a huge round table. It takes place at Carmines in NYC. And the people I would invite have changed over the years. But I do have a few that are always a constant. My husband Mike, he’s my best friend and how could I possibly go to a lunch like this without my best friend.

My Mom is going with me to meet all these interesting people. She can hold a conversation with anyone. And she would absolutely love this. Mom gets to sit next to whomever she wants. This is not a formal luncheon it’s a meal with friends.

Whoopie Goldberg is one woman that I have always admired and would love to meet. She’s honest, funny and she knows everyone.

Carole King is my all time favorite singer. Her Tapestry album has been the one constant in my CD collection. Anyone who can write lyrics like that is Ok in my book.

Now John Stewart is the guy who’s going to bring topics. He’s also the guy that will get the conversation going and there will never be any of that awkward silence.

Elton John, I love him. I just have a feeling he would wind up being the life of the party.

Sandra Bullock seems to be a very down to earth woman.  How much fun would it be if she just happened to bring Melissa McCarthy. Now that would be when my Mom would tell me, “Close your mouth Annie,” Lol..

Robin Williams is next on the list. I’ve often thought that he might take over and that no one else would be able to get a word in.  But then I think he might enjoy letting others lead for a change. And can you just imagine the laughter after a few drinks.

Meryle Streep, She’s from Jersey and to me that means she’s real. So why not have her at my luncheon. And she just might come.

Joan Cusack is one woman who loves to laugh. She’s a little quirky and to me these are the best people to have fun with. I’m a little quirky too and so Joan makes the cut.

And the last person at my luncheon would be Steve Madden. Yup the same Steve Madden that makes shoes. I’ve read his story and he seems like a down to earth kind of guy. He’s from Long Island and hey he might even bring us all goodie bags.

Like I said my table changes from time to time. I have had Bruce Willis, Brad Pitt and Jason Statham at my table if for nothing else they would be fun to look at.

Now I know this is make believe. But if this was actually about to happen who do you think would call or text last minute to say they weren’t coming. Of course they would apologize. And maybe even say they would make it up to me. But I’m a realist. And I wouldn’t be holding my breath.

The fact is not one person on this list besides my husband and Mom would actually show up to have lunch with me at Carmines in NYC. But that’s Ok. Because sitting with the two people who love me the most and eating amazing Italian food would really be all I need.

In Fact screw all these people strangers that are put on pedestals. I’m making a new list.

Mike, Mom, Michael & Loring, Jennifer & Harry, Tammy & Tom, Steven & Michael, Ralph & Irene,  Along with all my nieces and nephews is all I could ever want to have sitting around a table breaking bread with me. If I could add a couple other people I would add my two besties, Sherry, Deb and Mike.

You see when it comes down to it we all just want to be with the people who love us for who we are. If any of those people on that fictitious list actually said yes to my invite I would be a nervous wreck. And who wants odjetta before you eat one bite.

Well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it..

 

 

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